Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
