I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
