just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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