He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
