I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
