I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
