Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am one with the molecules
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
