Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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