A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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