I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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