Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
