True but thats because hes a fetus.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
