are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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