my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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