i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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