Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
