Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
