my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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