can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
