i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Randomize
