U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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