Buhtt sex?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
