You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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