Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
