hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
