i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
