I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
