He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
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He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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