I hate your face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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