Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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