I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
