I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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