and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
