Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
