I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
