you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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