Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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