Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
