just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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