never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize