You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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