I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
