His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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