He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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