respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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