My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
