Swine flu. Run for my life!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
