i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
