Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My bed smells like the plague
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