Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
