STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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