guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
