see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
