Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
