i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
