He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
