Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
