The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
