I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
