My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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