I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i think im in europe. pls send help
i out mim tonsoeep
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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