While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
