He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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