You're completely useless in the revolution.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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