I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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