but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
