I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
