this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
