why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
