I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
