just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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