It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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