Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
