dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
