You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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