brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
