I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
