Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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