Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
