my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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