This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
