I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
