Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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